Make sure everyone’s on the same page when planning a queer wedding, especially one in a destination like Hawaii.
Words by Marc Graser
Images by Mahina Choy-Ellis
When you think of a wedding, especially in Hawaii, it’s an over-stylized event, but Zabrina Zablan-Duvauchelle, an event planner and founder of The Gay Agenda Collective, encourages clients to think outside the box and explore what the wedding represents.
“Why are you doing this,” Zabrina asks. “Strike all the florals, strike all the fancy napkins. At its core, it’s about you and the people who love and surround you. Be really mindful right from the start. Understanding what’s important is key. Just sit down and get on the same page. Literally write out what you both want. You don’t have to agree on everything, but you should kind of have an idea of what your budget is going to be,” as well as the following helpful tips:
Also Read: Redefining Traditions with Queer Wedding Celebrations
At its core, it’s about you and the people who love and surround you. Be really mindful right from the start.
Meet the Talent
Think about who your vendors are and “really take time in interviewing them just as much as they’re interviewing you and feel competent in your choices because they are going to have such an integral part on your day,” Zabrina says. The Gay Agenda has a pre-vetted list of vendors that have gone through the company’s allyship and inclusivity training. “I’ve always said that a wedding planner is the author and the photographer is the illustrator,” Zabrina adds. Make sure these are solid people. “Making sure that your vendors have really good articulation with one another is good, too.”
I think for a lot of our couples, they don’t know where Hawaii sits on the totem pole of how expensive things are.
Consider Your Guest List
Be mindful who you want to attend, because that can become costly. “Work together on who you want to be surrounding you folks on the day,” Zabrina advises. Come up with an A, B, and C list, where the A-list “are the people that you literally cannot have this wedding without,” Zabrina says. B-lists are people that you would love to be there, and C-lists are “are folks who are like your cousin’s boyfriend you’ve never met.” It gives good context for who you want surrounding on the day. “When you’re looking at your guest list, look at your wedding party, too.”
The Price of Paradise
Understand that a destination wedding comes with a higher price, depending on where you are, but especially Hawaii. “I think for a lot of our couples, they don’t know where Hawaii sits on the totem pole of how expensive things are,” says Zabrina, noting that many online wedding calculators are skewed because they include the Midwest, “where you can get married for a bag of chips and about $500. Understanding the market is really helpful. I’m always asking the reason behind wanting to come to Hawaii and bring essentially 100 to 150 of your favorite people all the way over here.”
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